『霧ヶ峰涼の逆襲』

「《バックスクリーン直撃の大ホームラン、ただし始球式》みたいなっ！」

『クビシメロマンチスト』

"Like 'a big homerun right into the back screen, but it was just the ceremonial opening ball'!"

"Kubishime Romanticist"

Three translations within two months seems kinda excessive, doesn't it?

And for those new here, there is a nice little link to the translations there in the sidebar. The best stories? Norizuki Rintarou's The Ripper (for Queenian bibliophiles) [NOTE: Story has been removed). And I have a thing for Rampo's Who? because it took me an insane amount of time to go through it. Why at times it seems like I don't proofread that much? Because I don't. But it is also part of a complex plot to discourage people from stealing these translations by purposely leaving mistakes in my texts. But it is mostly because I just do this as a hobby and as long as it's readable, well, meh.

And I decided that I will at most translate two stories per short story collection (for no particular reason), which means that this will be the last time that we will see amateur high school detective (?) Kirigamine Ryou here for the time being. Because Higashigawa Tokuya still hasn't written a sequel to Houkago wa Mystery to Tomo ni. I am waiting. Anyway, today's story, Kirigamine Ryou no Gyakushuu ("Kirigamine Ryou's Counterattack") is the second chapter of the hilarious short story collection starring Kirigamine Ryou, a high school girl and vice president of Koigakubo Academy's detective club. Too bad she is not very good at detecting. Kirigamine Ryou's Counterattack is a bit of an outsider story as it is not set at Koigakubo Academy itself and the plot has nothing to do with school or school buildings, but does feature an interesting impossible disappearance from an apartment under surveillance!

As with the previous Kirigamine Ryou translation, the translation is based on the radio drama version of the NHK, broadcast last year. Because there is magic in audio dramas. And because it is shorter. And because I don't really own the original book. I translated it a bit loosely and I couldn't pick up one or two words (the one disadvantage of audio dramas!), but the translation is readable and I think Higashino's plot is interesting and funny enough to keep readers hooked, despite my rushed translating-while-having-a-cold-English. This is a really short read, but there is actually something pretty smart going on here too, so have fun with the story. For those not familiar with reading these script-like things: read it like a script. The narration in italics is by Kirigamine Ryou and SOUND of course indicates the sound effects employed in the drama.

霧ヶ峰涼の逆襲

著者：東川篤哉

脚色：福田卓郎

Kirigamine Ryō’s Counterattack

Author: Higashigawa Tokuya

Script: Fukuda Takurō

KIRIGAMINE: Wha… what!
MAN: Shoo! Shoo! Go away!

In the cramped space between a wooden building and the hedge, was a crouching, trembling man, with a small white cat sitting in front of him.

KIRIGAMINE: Mister, what are you doing there?
MAN: Yo…you! Don’t know who you are, but can you help me? I… am.. bad with cats! Please! Do something!
KIRIGAMINE: Okay. Come, come! ……. What do you think you’re doing!!

When I stuck my right hand out, the man grabbed on to it with both hands.

KIRIGAMINE: I wasn’t saying "come come" to you! I was talking to the kitty!
MAN: Ah, I see, sorry! Sorry! My mistake. I wasn't trying anything funny with you. Forgive me.
KIRIGAMINE: But mister, whatcha you doing in the garden of an empty house anyway? At this time of the day?

It was already past eight o’clock in the evening.

MAN: No…nothing.
KIRIGAMINE: Oh! You are carrying a camera. The ones professionals carry! I got it! Mister, you are a celebrity photographer on a stake-out, right?

There were several grounds to my deduction. There is a special class for celebrities at my Koigakubo Academy, so you come across many celebrities in this neighborhood. Furthermore, empty lunchboxes, PET bottles and cigarette butts were lying all over the place near the man’s feet, so I knew he had been spending a long time here.

MAN: No comment.
KIRIGAMINE: I see. Then I’ll give you a kitty present. Hey hey!
MAN: STOP IT STOP IT, I CONFESS, I CONFESS!! I am celebrity photographer Fujise Shōichi.
KIRIGAMINE: So, what are you doing here?
FUJISE: Why would I tell you?
KIRIGAMINE: … KITTY, GO PLAY WITH THIS NICE MISTER!
FUJISE: OK, OK!!! I’ll tell you as a favor. I am hoping to take a picture of a secret meeting of a celebrity.
KIRIGAMINE: Who?
FUJISE: Andō Takeru.
KIRIGAMINE: Andō Takeru… That young actor who has become so popular recently?
FUJISE: Yeah. Over 180 cm tall, with a slim body and a nice face. His parents are both actors, so he’s a second generation actor. There have been no bad rumors about him yet. That Andō is having a secret meeting with a woman in that apartment over there.

Having said that, Fujise pointed to a common-place two-floor apartment building.

KIRIGAMINE: Is the famous Andō Takeru really having a date in such a building?
FUJISE: I followed Andō Takeru the whole day and saw him disappearing into room 103 on the first floor over there, a bit after four o’clock in the afternoon. Look, the light’s on, right? That’s the room of a girl called Mizuhara Mayumi. I’m sure she is in the room with him right now. I saw the silhouettes of the two moving through the drawn curtains.
KIRIGAMINE: Who is Mizuhara Mayumi?
FUJISE: She’s a member of a theater troupe. So a theater actress. She was classmates with Andō Takeru in high school here in Kokubunji. A private high school with a not very high academic level, but it does have a special celebrity class.
KIRIGAMINE: So, they are alumni from my school.
FUJISE: Oh!
KIRIGAMINE: But it is not like you saw the two of them happily holding hands  and entering the room together, right? So you can’t be sure they’re dating. He might be just visiting a friend.
FUJISE: It’s already been four hours since he entered the room. Someone as popular as him finding gaps in his busy schedule to meet her…. They are not just simply friends.
KIRIGAMINE: They might escape from the back exit.
FUJISE: Hahaha. They won’t get me with that. I have someone looking out on the backdoor and the balcony. They’re like rats in a trap. I’ll get them with this camera the moment they come out of the door.
KIRIGAMINE: It seems wrong though.
FUJISE: Heh?
KIRIGAMINE: Even celebrities have their right on privacy. And Mizuhara Mayumi is not a celebrity at all, so at least wait till she has become famous.
FUJISE: What?

I somehow wanted to help my seniors. It was then that…

SOUND: CAR DRIVING UP THE STREET

...a big minivan stopped in front of the building, blocking our sight on room 103.

SOUND: CAR DOOR OPENS, SOMEONE GETTING OUT

A man dressed in jeans and wearing a red jumper came out of the driver’s seat, which was facing our side. He was of average length and build, wearing glasses and a hat. It was night, so I couldn’t see his face. As the man came out of the car, he looked around as if on the lookout for something, stuck his head through the open window of the driver’s door and said something towards the back. He then walked around the front of the car and disappeared from our view.

KIRIGAMINE: What’s going on?
FUJISE: Sssh.

The back hatch opened and another man came out. This one was wearing a white jumper, with a bandana on his head and sunglasses. We couldn’t see his face either. The man carried a fold-up stepladder of about one meter long out of the car, and disappeared too as he moved behind the car. We could guess from the light and the sounds that the door to room 103 had been opened.

SOUND: DOOR OPENING, CLOSING
FUJISE: This is bad. I don’t know what’s going on, but I think they are on to me. They left the hatch door open, so they’ll come out soon. Ok, I’ll have to take this chance.
KIRIGAMINE: What are you going to do?
FUJISE: I am going to hide behind the car and take some close-quarter photos.

Having said that, mister Fujise ran towards the back wheels of the car and hid himself.

FUJISE: Ok, this is perfect.
CAT: MEOW
FUJISE: What’s with the cat! Go hide!
KIRIGAMINE: Why would I have to hide? To them, I am just a high school student on a walk holding a cat.
FUJISE: That’s true.
KIRIGAMINE: This seems to be a car of the theater troupe. Look at these stickers. Theater Troupe Yuugekishu…. Aah, I know this place. Their actress Nishimoto Chisato has been appearing on TV often lately.
FUJISE: Forget that. Step away a bit. You're drawing too much attention.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS

And then room 103's door opened again and three persons appeared. Surprisingly, the two men in the white and red jumpers were carrying the stepladder, which had been drawn out, like a stretcher, and an ill-looking woman was carried on top of it. It appeared that this beautiful woman lying on the stretcher was the inhabitant of this room.

SOUND: CAMERA SHUTTER
FUJISE: You’re Mizuhara Mayumi, right?! What happened!? What are the details of your relation with Andō Takeru?!
KIRIGAMINE: Mister, she’s ill! What are you doing? STOP IT! OK… KITTY GO!!
CAT: MEOW
FUJISE: AAAARGH!!

SOUND: DOOR OPENS
KIRIGAMINE: I’m leaving!

The next morning. I left home a bit early and went back to yesterday’s empty house.

CAT: MEOW

Next to the cat, who was lying in the sun, was mister Fujise, who was still keeping the apartment building under surveillance.

KIRIGAMINE: I am sorry for what happened yesterday.
FUJISE: Don’t worry. It might have been work, but what I did wasn’t right. Did you come to apologize?
KIRGAMINE: I made some breakfast. He might be hungry, I thought …. Look, sandwiches!
FUJISE: Ah, that’s nice!
KIRIGAMINE: HEY! DON’T EAT THAT! This isn’t your breakfast, this is for the kitty!
FUJISE: Ah, sorry.
KIRIGAMINE: My cat-food sandwiches…
FUJI: Blergh.
CAT: MEOW
KIRIGAMINE: Anything else happen last night?
FUJISE: Like you know, Mizuhara Mayumi was carried into the minivan by the Red-White duo in the red and white jumpers away on the stretcher. They went away somewhere. Nothing happened since then.
KIRIGAMINE: So Andō Takeru is still inside the room.
FUJISE: No, I think we have been had. There is a big chance that Andō isn’t in room 103 anymore.
KIRIGAMINE: What? Why do you think that?
FUJISE: They switched places.
KIRIGAMINE: Switched places?
FUJIMINE: We were concentrating on Mizuhara Mayumi because she was being carried away, but I think that one of the duo wearing the red and white jumpers switched places with Andō. I don’t know which one though.
KIRIGAMINE: I see, that’s possible.
MAYUMI: No, that’s impossible. Don’t go make wild guesses, please.

Mizuhara Mayumi suddenly appeared behind us.

FUJISE: Eavesdropping on us?
MAYUMI: That’s rude. I just happened to hear your voices as I passed by. You’re the one who has been peeking at my home! Can’t you go away? I am going to take my medicine and take a sleep now.
FUJISE: So you’re just back from the hospital. You came back quickly for someone who was carried away in a rush. Don’t look too bad either.
MAYUMI: You mean I faked it? I can guess what you are thinking. But Andō wasn’t with me yesterday, so there is now way he switched places with somebody to sneak out of my room either. I was alone in my room. I suddenly felt an intense pain in my stomach and asked two friends from the troupe to help me.
FUJSE: Lies. I saw Andō Takeru entering your room with my own eyes. I am sure.
MAYUMI: So you claim that Andō is still in my room?
FUJISE: No… he switched places with either the man in the red or white jumper…
MAYUMI: So that means that the man who switched places with Andō is still in my room.
FUJISE: Yes.
MAYUMI: Want to confirm that yourself?
FUJISE/KIRIGAMINE: What?

Miss Mizuhara’s room was a common 1LDK room. We didn't find anything in the toilet, the unit bath, nor beneath the bed or on the veranda. Only the closet was left.

MAYUMI: You can open that if you want to.
SOUND: CLOSET OPENING
MAYUMIE: See. Nobody there.
FUJISE: How can this be?!
KIRIGAMINE: Hm? Is this your jumper, miss?

It was a slightly dirty red jumper

MAYUMI: Yes. It’s a jumper for the staff of my theater group. It’s old, so I was thinking of throwing it away.
KIRIGAMINE: Looks like the ones those people wore yesterday.
MAYUMI: Members of the troupe all have one, so what’s weird about them wearing them? Those two were members. Anything wrong with this red jumper?
FUJISE: This is strange. There is really nobody here…
SOUND: CLOSET CLOSING
MAYUMI: Do you believe me now? There is nobody here. That trick of yours of switching places is impossible. I was alone here yesterday evening. Two men came to my room and the three of us left. So now it’s empty. One plus two minus three equals zero. Got it?
KIRIGAMINE: One person here, two persons coming… and three persons leaving. One plus two minus three equals zero.
MAYUMI: Precisely.

It was then that a deduction rushed through my head.

KIRIGAMINE: Switching places like mister Fujise said is indeed impossible.
MAYUMI: Right?
KIRIGAMINE: But…
MAYUMI: But… what?

I didn’t overlook the expression of fear on her face.

Part 2

My name is Kirigamine Ryō. Vice president of Koigakubo Academy’s Detective Club. One day, I met the celebrity photographer Fujise thank to a little white cat. Mr. Fujise was aiming at the scoop of a secret lover’s meeting of the popular actor Andō Takeru and theater actress Mizuhara Mayumi, his old high school classmate, in her apartment room. Then two theater members came to the apartment and carried Mizuhara Mayumi out of her room on a stretcher. Fujise said that Andō switched places with one of the two men and escaped out of the apartment but we couldn’t find a trace of the member who should have stayed here.

MAYUMI: Do you believe me now? There is nobody here. That trick of yours of switching places is impossible. I was alone here yesterday evening. Two men came to my room and the three of us left. So now it’s empty. One plus two minus three equals zero. Got it?
KIRIGAMINE: One person here, two persons coming… and three persons leaving. One plus two minus three equals zero.
MAYUMI: Precisely.

It was then that a deduction rushed through my head.

KIRIGAMINE: Switching places like mister Fujise said is indeed impossible.
MAYUMI: Right?
KIRIGAMINE: But…
MAYUMI: But… what?
KIRIGAMINE: Two plus one minus three also equals zero, right, miss.
MAYUMI: What do you mean?
FUJISE: Yeah, explain it, so I understand it too!
KIRIGAMINE: Andō Takeru was here yesterday evening with miss Mizuhara. And then one man came here and the three of them left together.
FUJISE: Nonsense. Two members of the troupe, dressed in red and white jumpers, came here last night. You saw it too, right?
KIRIGAMINE: Right. But did you see the two members together when they entered the room?
FUJISE: No…now you mention it… First the man wearing the red jumper got out the driver’s seat and said something to the man in the white jumper in the back of the car.
KIRIGAMINE: Mister, did you actually see the man in the white jumper then?
FUJISE: No, I didn’t see him, but it seemed like he was there…
KIRIGAMINE: The man in the red jumper might have been talking to an empty seat, just pretending someone was there. What did he then do?
FUJISE: He walked in front of the car and disappeared from our view as he moved to the other side of the car. Then the hatch door at the back opened and the man in the other jumper came out of the car.
KIRIGAMINE: Can you swear it was a different man?
FUJISE: What? Well, I didn’t see his face, but he was wearing a different jumper…
KIRIGAMINE: He just turned the same jumper inside out. Right, miss?
MAYUMI: Why do you say something like that?
KIRIGAMINE: I got it when I saw your staff jumper in the closet. That’s a reversible jumper, right?
FUJISE: Reversible, you mean you can turn it inside out and still wear it?
KIRIGAMINE: Yes. One side is red, the other is white. The troupe member in the red jumper drove up here and stopped the car blocking our view on the door of room 103. He got out the driver’s seat and, pretending someone was sitting in the back of the van, said something and then disappeared to the other side of the car. But he didn’t head for the door of the apartment, but got back inside the car through the passenger’s seat. He then reversed his jumper to the white side, took off his hat, and changed his looks with the bandana and sunglasses. He then opened the hatch door, came out of the car and walked away to the other side of the car.
FUJISE: Ah, so it seemed to us that two different people, dressed in red and white jumpers, came out of the car, using different doors.
KIRIGAMINE: Yes, one person playing two roles! Miss Mizuhara’s jumper is old, but I’m sure she had a new one too. Andō Takeru wore that and carried miss Mizuhara out in the stretcher together with the troupe member who had come. I don’t know whether Andō was the red one or the white one though.
FUJISE: I see. So I was fooled into keeping surveillance of an empty room the whole night.
KIRIGAMINE: This is the truth, right, miss?
MAYUMI: Andō was wearing the red jumper.
KIRIGAMINE: So he really was here with you.
MAYUMI: It’s like you said. He came up with the escape plan. He said he had fooled some tabloid journalists with this trick in the past.
FUJISE: Nice trick.
MAYUMI: Now is the most important period for Andō as an actor. So we want to avoid a scandal at all costs. I am sorry we had to deceive you. But can’t you just leave us two alone? Just alone… Please!
SOUND: CRYING
KIRIGAMINE: Miss..
FUJISE: This is troublesome… Even if you beg me…
KIRIGAMINE: Don’t worry, this won’t be made public. This mister here missed the important part anyway last night. He didn’t take a picture of Andō Takeru, right?
FUJISE: Well… I guess…
KIRIGAMINE: If you refuse, this little kitty you’re so bad with will…
FUJISE: Aaaah, alright, alright, I will keep my mouth shut!
MAYUMI: Thanks. I am grateful!

ISHIZAKI: I see. Quite an interesting event, Kirigamine.

Biology teacher mister Ishizaki, dressed in a white lab-coat,was also the supervising teacher of the detective club. I thought that he would be satisfied with my report, but I was wrong.

ISHIZAKI: I am disappointed in your attitude…
KIRIGAMINE: As a student?
ISHIZAKI: As a detective! Listen, the talents of a detective should be used to solve murder cases or save people. Not to unveil the love affairs of other people and cause problems!
KIRIGAMINE: But mister Ishizaki, because of me, Mizuhara and Andō’s affair was kept under wraps. So I was helpful, right?
ISHIZAKI: Yes, you were helpful. But that was because your deduction was wrong.
KIRIGAMINE: Heh?
ISHIZAKI: Just imagine if you had made the right deduction then… That would have been something!
KIRIGAMINE: What do you mean? What was wrong with my deduction?
ISHIZAKI: Listening to your story, I think there is one thing that is not explained.
KIRIGAMINE: And that is?
ISHIZAKI: You and the cameraman both did not know whether the disguised Andō Takeru was wearing the red or white jumper, right?
KIRIGAMINE: Yes, the two men were both of the same height, so…
ISHIZAKI: Andō Takeru is 180 centimeters tall and famous for that. And you say you couldn’t see the difference between the two men, so the other troupe member had to be of the same height too.
KIRIGAMINE: AAH!
ISHIZAKI: You see?
KIRIGAMINE: The troupe member who came was a man of average build and height! The man of average build and height has disappeared somewhere!
ISHIZAKI: He hasn’t really disappeared, you know. The man of average build and height who played two roles entered the apartment and then came out sitting on top of the stretcher.
KIRIGAMINE: What? You mean, it was Mizuhara Mayumi? The one who came in the car was her, dressed up like a man?
ISHIZAKI: Precisely.
KIRIGAMINE: But.. that means that Mizuhara Mayumi wasn’t with Andō Takeru in the apartment. Then where did Andō’s lover…?
ISHIZAKI: Andō’s lover doesn’t have to be a woman, you know. Andō Takeru was together with a man of the same build!

Whom I thought was a man turned out to be a women, and whom I thought was a woman turned out to be a man… This series of shocking surprises confused me.

ISHIZAKI: In short, Mizuhara, who was carried out on the stretcher, was actually carrying the two men out of the room.
Mayumi: So the ones carrying were actually the ones being carried away, and the one being carried away was actually the one carrying....
ISHIZAKI: It only seemed like she had been in the room all the time because Mizuhara was the one who was carried out of there. This was really effective in hiding the fact that Andou Takeru had been secretly meeting a man. They left you with the doubt whether Andō Takeru had been together with Mizuhara, but that was actually the farthest away from the truth.
KIRIGAMINE: So that’s why miss Mizuhara admitted so easily when I presented with my deduction of one person playing two roles.
ISHIZAKI: Yes. By admitting to your wrong deduction, she avoided that the fact she wanted to hide the most would be discovered.
KIRIGAMINE: But why would she have helped Andō Takeru to this extent? There is nothing in it for her, right?
CAT: MEOW
ISHIZAKI: By the way, what’s with that cat?
KIRIGAMINE: Hm? Oh, it’s the kitty who led me to this case. I wouldn’t be able to keep him here… right?
ISHIZAKI: This is a biology classroom, not a pet room.

Mister Ishizaki was surprisingly cold. It couldn’t be helped. I went back to the empty house.

FUJISE: Hey, what are you doing here?
KIRIGAMINE: Oh, mister! I want to ask the same thing. You stopped your stake-out, right?
FUJISE: I’m just on my way back from the Kokubunji Police Station.
KIRIGAMINE: The police? Did you do something bad?
FUJISE: No, no, I just saved a beautiful woman from a false accusation. They called me in the afternoon, the police you know. They asked me to come to them.

SOSHIGAYA: Take a seat. I am the one who called you, police inspector Soshigaya Taizō.
FUJISE: Hm? Taizō? Who do you write that?
SOSHIGAYA: With the characters for 'big' and 'storage'.
FUJISE: Youre name is written just like the train station! Ah, excuse me.
SOSHIGAYA: I want to ask you something about the Nishimoto Chisato case.
FUJISE: Ask me? What?
SOSHIGAYA: Karasuyama Chitose, explain it to him.
FUJISE: Like the station Chitose-Karasuyama?!
KARASUYAMA: I am the detective in charge, Karasuyama Chitose. Have you heard of Nishimoto Chisato of the theater troupe Yuugekishu?
FUJISE: I know of her.
KARASUYAMA: Last night, around eight o’clock, someone assaulted her near Kokubunji station and her face was wounded.
SOSHIGAYA. An awful criminal. A face is an actress’ life, you know.
FUJISE: But I didn’t do it!
SOSHIGAYA: No, we are not suspecting you.
KARASUYAMA: The culprit is unknown. Miss Nishimoto didn’t see the face of her assailant. So we looked around her acquaintances and we came across the name of Mizuhara Mayumi.
FUJISE: Mizuhara?
SOSHIGAYA: Miss Mizuhara was not too happy with miss Nishimoto’s recent rise in popularity. At the theater, her leading role had been stolen by Nishimoto.
KARASUYAMA: So she has a motive. But when we asked her, she said that she had a alibi for eight o’clock.

CAT: MEOW
SOUND: CIGARETTE BEING LIT
FUJISE: So that was another happening here last night.
KIRIGAMINE: Are you sure the time of the crime was eight o’clock last night?
FUJISE: Yeah, she testified that she was together with Andō Takeru at eight o’clock. And the police also asked Andō.
KIRIGAMINE: What did Andō Takeru say?
FUJISE: He testified that he indeed had been together with Mizuhara at eight o’clock. But the police doesn’t trust the testimonies of lovers. So Mizuhara gave the police my name, as a third party witness. So I said that her testimony was completely true.
KIRIGAMINE: Aaah, idiot!
FUJISE: Wha… what do you mean? We both saw Mizuhara Mayumi being carried away on the stretcher.
KIRIGAMINE: Now I see.
FUJISE: What do you see? Explain!

I finally got it. I told Mister Fujise that woman’s real plan that was hidden behind the strange happening yesterday.

FUJISE: Unbelievable!
KIRIGAMINE: It was she who came to us in the first place! It was she who invited us to her empty apartment. It was also she who opened the closet to show us the reversible jumper! It was she who came up with the simple math to explain the events.
FUJISE: So Mizuhara used us?

Yes. I was the one who deduced the trick of one person playing two roles based on the hints given. But it was she who confirmed that while shedding her tears. I was the one who deduced, but she was the one who made me deduce.

KIRIGAMINE: Mister, let’s go!
FUJISE: Where to?
KIRIGAMINE: Kokubunji Police Station of course!